Kill Keith teaser trailer

And lo, the strange compulsion for faded stars to de-construct their public personas continues...



I remain to be convinced with this one!

Grimm Up North 3 this weekend!

It’s Grimm Up North, in case you shandy drinking southerners hadn’t realised. And nowhere is it Grimmer than Manchester, particularly this coming weekend.
And I’m not talking about the Conservative party conference (ho ho little bit of politics). No! Cos as well as that, this weekend is the weekend that the Grimm Up North festival takes place, which includes all manner of Brit horror goodness.
The event opens on October 6 with the UK premiere of Retreat (mentioned t’other day on this very blog), a tale of the end of the world as experienced by two yuppies on a remote Scottish island. Sort of like Gregory’s Girl, except completely different. The evening will give you the opportunity to cross examine some cast members (I assume this means either Thandie Newton, Jamie Bell or Cillian Murphy or a combination, but I suppose it could mean the bloke who takes the couple to the island in his boat, which would be somewhat of a letdown). It’s also being hosted by that doyen of the feeble minded, emotionally retarded or recently bereaved, Yvette Fielding (is it right to describe Blue Peter viewers like that?) who has a vague link to my good self, in that she now lives in the town I grew up in. Get me with my showbiz mates. Why not go along and get all left-field on her ass by insisting on asking questions about Seaview?
And the closing night film on Sunday, October 9 will be none other than the long-unanticipated, and frankly unwanted, sequel to The Wicker Man, The Wicker Tree. Apparently it’s dreadful, but why not make up your own mind? And while you’re at it, take something to chuck at director Robin Hardy during the inevitable question session happening after the film.
But putting aside my inarticulate attempts at humour, there should be much to enjoy during the weekend for Brit horror, and indeed other-kinds-of-horror, fans.
A quick glance at the website Grimmfest.com reveals it’s going to be a hoot, and Manchester is actually a lovely place. Get yourself along to it and help support a thoroughly worthwhile cause – e.g. making sure that not everything happens in bloody London.

A very unhappy birthday, to you

Word reaches me of a new release which is described as a hip new take on that perennial fave, The Wicker Man. It also, apparently, has a "Hammer vibe", although by the look of it, the sexuality of the whole thing would have had those old cardigan wearers at Bray choking on their pipes.
It also stars, by the look of it, Brit horror legend David McGillivray, perhaps better known for his work behind (or at least to one side of) the camera. So it, one would imagine, worth a look. Unhappy Birthday comes out on DVD on October 24.
Here's the gen:
A refreshingly queer take on the classic British horror film and inspired by cult classics such as The Wicker Man and Hammer House of Horror, Unhappy Birthday has a playfully retro vibe, a healthy irreverence and a deliciously deviant heart.
A surprise birthday party becomes a living nightmare for city-dwelling couple Sadie and Rick and their friend Jonny. They are invited to visit the remote tidal island of Amen by Corinne, an enigmatic local who hopefully holds the answers to long-buried family secrets. Amen is populated by a historically close-knit community who discourage strangers from visiting. So why have these three outsiders really been allowed on to the island? Despite the bucolic nature of the island the trio have a growing sense of unease, but they find themselves trapped by the tide and at the mercy of the islanders. As the horror of their situation unfolds, these visitors will wish they'd never been born!

New Brit horror dungeon launched

John Probert writes to tell me of a site he's set up to review old British horror films. Sounds like a familiar concept, wonder why no-one's thought of it before?
Then again, if people want to take a pop at the champ, why not? Bring it on, that's what I say (not literally, you might be an enormous nutter with an axe).
I'm joking, of course. It's nice to hear from fellow enthusiasts, and let's face it, I've done bugger all for quite a while now, so someone needs to keep the torch burning!
You can read John's first post here:
http://johnlprobert.blogspot.com/2011/09/psychomania-word-mother-is-daft.html

Sound The Retreat

If you like your psychological thrillers taut and claustrophobic, with a soupcon of killer plague, a dash of “nutjob in combat fatigues” and a peppering of Thandie Newton, then upcoming Brit flick The Retreat might be just what you’re looking for.
It’s “hitting cinemas” on October 14 and stars Ms Newton (someone I always think of as becoming famous in secret, as she suddenly seemed to crop up in films as the star and everyone else apparently already knew who she was) along with Cillian “Hello?!” Murphy and Jamie “Goodness, but he’s grown up in the last decade or so, who’d have thought that a child actor would actually turn into an adult actor? Not the Daily Mail, anyway, or your gran” Bell.
The synopsis I’ve been sent actually gives away the plot of the entire film, so suffice to say that grieving professional couple (yes, another one) Murphy and Newton decide to get away from it all, meet a soldier who claims the end of the world is nigh, and much high-jinks ensue.
Personally, I’m looking forward to a day when people making horror films stop putting professional couples in peril and start creating something a bit different. But perhaps that’s just me.

Centipede sequel is a Brit film, egad

With its predecessor currently being shown mouth-to-arse (sorry) on the Sci Fi Channel (surely there can be no greater accolade for a film than for it to go straight from limited cinema release to permanent rotation on a low rent satellite channel so remarkably quickly?), the sequel to The Human Centipede should have been appearing on a cinema screen near you quite soon. I say “should have”, because just in case you hadn’t noticed all the media furore over the past couple of weeks, it hasn’t. The BBFC have effectively “banned” the film in the UK, by refusing it a certificate. This appears, judging by the reviews from people who’ve managed to sit through it, to have bestowed on The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (to give it its fill monicker) far more coverage than it should have got. After all, it’s not like we aren’t already awash with nasty little films about people smearing shit all over themselves and torturing each other, as any casual viewing of The Horror Channel will show. But that lot don’t get articles about them in The Guardian.
Let’s face it, we all know what THC2 will look, sound, and (probably) smell like. If you like that sort of thing, good luck to you. I’m sure it’ll eventually sneak out in some form or other, and you’ll get the chance to indulge in as much sandpaper wank, soiled bandages, dirty-protest cellars and amateur surgery as your horror-weary retinas can absorb. But did you know it was (semi) British? I didn’t, although the trailer gives a hint as the main protagonist’s mum berates him for watching pervy films with a distinctly English accent. She also delivers her lines incredibly badly, which, I would imagine, pretty much sets the tone for the whole sorry mess.
Now, I’m no expert, but doesn’t the BBFC’s stand against the film mark it down as the first British film to be banned in the UK since Expose became the only home-grown movie on the “video nasties” list? I think it might be. I also know which one I’d prefer to watch…

This?

Or, this?

Hmmm...

Red White and Blue out this Friday

This cheerful looking chap is Simon Rumley, Brit indie filmmaker. But don't let that dour expression fool you, he's actually a light hearted funster who wants nothing more than to tickle your funnybone and have you leave the cinema with a warm snuggly feeling about life. You know, like when you saw Notting Hill for the first time and genuinely thought "you know, perhaps Julia Roberts isn't that bad, and I quite like that Ronan Keating song, in context".
Simon has recently completed a film called Red, White and Blue, which is described as... hang on a minute, this guy isn't all sweet and lovely at all. It appears I've been misinformed. Red White and Blue, which opens in the UK this Friday, is a "psycho sexual thriller" (or to put it another way, "probably a bit rapey"). His next project is something called The Cherished One, a disturbing and dark thriller about a serial killer who uses his young daughter to entice his victims. Which sounds delightful.
And THEN he's planning on making a film called Stranger, which is produced by Mark Foligno, who made the heartwarmingly sweary The King's Speech, and Bob Portal, who was involved in Red White and Blue. Stranger is a thriller chase movie located in the heart of rural China, inspired by Spielberg's E.T... sorry, Duel.
Just to add to this trinity of unholy horrors, he's also just completed filming an instalment of The ABC’s of Death in Suriname. Which sounds like a laugh a minute.
Apologies to Simon, who, like me, is probably wondering how sending me a grumpy photo of himself can result in a bizarre jokeless blog post about how he doesn't make films like Notting Hill. On a horror website blog. It's a stream of consciousness thing. I'll get bored now and the next dozen posts will be cut and pasted direct from the original press releases, just watch.