Centipede sequel is a Brit film, egad

With its predecessor currently being shown mouth-to-arse (sorry) on the Sci Fi Channel (surely there can be no greater accolade for a film than for it to go straight from limited cinema release to permanent rotation on a low rent satellite channel so remarkably quickly?), the sequel to The Human Centipede should have been appearing on a cinema screen near you quite soon. I say “should have”, because just in case you hadn’t noticed all the media furore over the past couple of weeks, it hasn’t. The BBFC have effectively “banned” the film in the UK, by refusing it a certificate. This appears, judging by the reviews from people who’ve managed to sit through it, to have bestowed on The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (to give it its fill monicker) far more coverage than it should have got. After all, it’s not like we aren’t already awash with nasty little films about people smearing shit all over themselves and torturing each other, as any casual viewing of The Horror Channel will show. But that lot don’t get articles about them in The Guardian.
Let’s face it, we all know what THC2 will look, sound, and (probably) smell like. If you like that sort of thing, good luck to you. I’m sure it’ll eventually sneak out in some form or other, and you’ll get the chance to indulge in as much sandpaper wank, soiled bandages, dirty-protest cellars and amateur surgery as your horror-weary retinas can absorb. But did you know it was (semi) British? I didn’t, although the trailer gives a hint as the main protagonist’s mum berates him for watching pervy films with a distinctly English accent. She also delivers her lines incredibly badly, which, I would imagine, pretty much sets the tone for the whole sorry mess.
Now, I’m no expert, but doesn’t the BBFC’s stand against the film mark it down as the first British film to be banned in the UK since Expose became the only home-grown movie on the “video nasties” list? I think it might be. I also know which one I’d prefer to watch…

This?

Or, this?

Hmmm...

Red White and Blue out this Friday

This cheerful looking chap is Simon Rumley, Brit indie filmmaker. But don't let that dour expression fool you, he's actually a light hearted funster who wants nothing more than to tickle your funnybone and have you leave the cinema with a warm snuggly feeling about life. You know, like when you saw Notting Hill for the first time and genuinely thought "you know, perhaps Julia Roberts isn't that bad, and I quite like that Ronan Keating song, in context".
Simon has recently completed a film called Red, White and Blue, which is described as... hang on a minute, this guy isn't all sweet and lovely at all. It appears I've been misinformed. Red White and Blue, which opens in the UK this Friday, is a "psycho sexual thriller" (or to put it another way, "probably a bit rapey"). His next project is something called The Cherished One, a disturbing and dark thriller about a serial killer who uses his young daughter to entice his victims. Which sounds delightful.
And THEN he's planning on making a film called Stranger, which is produced by Mark Foligno, who made the heartwarmingly sweary The King's Speech, and Bob Portal, who was involved in Red White and Blue. Stranger is a thriller chase movie located in the heart of rural China, inspired by Spielberg's E.T... sorry, Duel.
Just to add to this trinity of unholy horrors, he's also just completed filming an instalment of The ABC’s of Death in Suriname. Which sounds like a laugh a minute.
Apologies to Simon, who, like me, is probably wondering how sending me a grumpy photo of himself can result in a bizarre jokeless blog post about how he doesn't make films like Notting Hill. On a horror website blog. It's a stream of consciousness thing. I'll get bored now and the next dozen posts will be cut and pasted direct from the original press releases, just watch.